So a little over a month ago my life took a triple whammy of bullshit and drama. I was completely tapped out and for the first time in a very long time felt emotionally depleted.

I bought a bike to ride and not think of the crap that seem to fall on me all t once, then decided to walk off some steam. Well let me say that now I look forward to my morning walk and I alternate 2.3 miles/day with 3.5 miles/day.  I love my walk and it definitely helps me to clear my head … I also found I have more energy and hey, I lost some weight as well.

My blood pressure is wonderful, my sugar levels have been much better and my mental and emotional well being are much better.

And to think … it all started with a simple walk to blow off steam!

Upon my return from vacation earlier this month I was greeted with a big stack of mail. I started to sort through the mail to immediately discard junk mail then work my way through the important mail. As I was going through the stack I see an envelope with the New York State seal image and thought “Oh shit, I flipping owe taxes …chit.” Then I read and see it is from the commissioner of jurors and thought “Aw chit, it’s worse than taxes … it’s jury duty.” I open the envelope and realize that not only is it a summons for jury duty, but my juror number is 40. SIGH!

I go on Monday and a group of us have to fill out a supplemental questionaire (uh-oh). So wait a little longer and those who filled out the supplemental get taken to a room where the lawyers are and the questioning begins. The first 6 people in the front row, then as they leave the clerk calls the names of the next batch of potential jurors. After the questioning of the batch the lawyers would leave the room and the clerk would come in, call names and ask them the step in to the hall, after which she swore in the remaining ones in as selected jurors. OK so I am figuring this is how it’s done. You get questioned, they step out and strike and those who are not chosen are asked to stand and leave the room to be dismissed.

OK, so I am in batch number three of potential jurors. We get questioned, the lawyers step out, strike and the clerk comes in and calls my name and the woman next to me. Wooohoooo … I am going to get to step out to the hall and be dismissed … wooohoo. NOT! Psyche!

The clerk asks us to raise our right hands and place our left hands on the bible and we get sworn in as seated jurors. WHAT? Wait a minute, that’s not how you did it before! Hahahahaha

The clerk THEN asks us to step in the hall and go to another room and they dismiss the remaining potential jurors. We were the last jurors selected. OK … I guess! LOL

So I had a pretty jacked up day last Friday. When I have these kinds of days I need time to clear my head and anything to distract me from acting out in a destructive way. 

Yes, I do have a tendency to become very self-destructive when I am down and this is why I give myself time to clear my head before going at the problem. I play out scenarios in my head and 100% of the time I even think of something when I am down, sad or angry it goes really bad, really quick. I do not want to be that person.

Saturday my niece Crisanta showed up at my place as I was getting ready to head out to run some errands and decided for me that rather than me spend $400 on DVDs or stuff I do not need because I was out of sorts, I would buy a bike and go bike riding with her.

It’s been many years since I rode a bike, and longer since I bought myself one. Yep, I got the spaghetti legs after 10 minutes, but it got me out of the house and it was the distraction I needed.

Today I told myself to get the hell out of my bed and get on the bike. Now years of physical therapy and some gyms has taught me to never start doing physical stuff all gunho and then hurt myself. Today was a ten minute bike ride around the neighborhood and then a 15 minute walk on the treadmill. It’s not marathon training, but it is a start to a better me. A me with a clearer mind, a less heavy heart and maybe if I work really hard at this a less heavy body.

Some times in life there aren’t enough rocks

“All men fear death. It’s a natural fear that consumes us all. We fear death because we feel that we haven’t loved well enough or loved at all, which ultimately are one and the same. However, when you make love with a truly great woman, one that deserves the utmost respect in this world and one that makes you feel truly powerful, that fear of death completely disappears. Because when you are sharing your body and heart with a great woman the world fades away. You two are the only ones in the entire universe. You conquer what most lesser men have never conquered before, you have conquered a great woman’s heart, the most vulnerable thing she can offer to another. Death no longer lingers in the mind. Fear no longer clouds your heart. Only passion for living, and for loving, become your sole reality. This is no easy task for it takes insurmountable courage. But remember this, for that moment when you are making love with a woman of true greatness you will feel immortal”.

-Ernest Hemmingway via “Midnight in Paris“

So I missed my day at the SPCA today. I don’t like missing my doggie and cat time but today I had a very sick cockateil at home. I tried feeding her and then I put her back in to her cage. I took the Beast (my dog Jasmine) out to do her business, came back in to the house and started to clean up before heading out to the SPCA when I saw it.  The poor cockateil was on her back with her legs up in the air … poor baby died. I felt so bad because the bird actually belongs to my mom who is in Orlando until May. SIGH!

I called mom to tell her the sad news about her bird and she actually took it well. She then tells me that that particular bird was about 9 years old so she probably just died of old age. I think she was just trying to make me feel better about the bird dying.

It’s pretty damn sad to an animal lover such as myself to have a pet die regardless of how small or big they are. Some may say it was just a bird … maybe, but she was a cute little bird.

I won’t be replacing her since we have three other cockateils in the house … I just felt bad. I did bury the bird near the garden bed … not in the garden bed since I will be working in it soon and sure do not want to dig up birdie bones. Hahaha.

I love spending time with friends and family. I especially love spending time with my niece Crisanta. 

Being a woman who never had children of her own, I became very involved in raising my niece Cris. She lived with me for several years and today she is more like the daughter I never had. She is a very eclectic individual with such a free spirit and open  mind to so many things in life. 

My niece accompanied me to Washington DC this past St Patrick’s Day weekend and I had such a wonderful time with her. We drove in with her IPod playing a hodge podge of music because she’s that kind of person who listens to all kinds of music. It was a wonderful time in Washington.

While in DC we met up with a man whom I refer to as my Kindred Spirit. A very special person whom I have known for 11 years now. Our friendship has been tested several times and seems to get stronger every time it seems to hit a speed bump. This is how friendships pass the test of time. Today , I cannot imagine not having him in my life. I often say there is more than just an emotional bond between us … there is a spiritual bond as well. Yeah, go ahead and roll your eyes, but maybe it’s because you have never had that kind of bond with anyone … not even a past lover, current spouse or romantic relationship. It is why I refer to him as my Kindred Spirit.

This trip to DC was wonderful not just because I love that city, but because I was in a city I love with two special people. And that was a great thing!

I love photography. I love to see what I and other people can capture through the lens of a camera. Some things that can seem so mundane on any given day, can be captured in a spectacular image that makes a person say WOW!

I have been volunteering once a week at the Erie County SPCA as a photographer and I get to shoot images of animals going up for adoption and post them to the SPCA’s website. I also get to shoot images at special functions for the SPCA. I love what I do at the SPCA.

I used to think that maybe one day I would work in my own photo studio, shooting weddings, births and other special events. That all changed when I had a not so pleasant experience shooting a wedding and I thought oh my Christmas I am hating this beyond all belief. From the cry baby wedding party (brides maids who didn’t smile, groomsmen who complained about the sun and how many more pictures and blah, blah, blah), and guests who bum rushed the photographer’s set up so they can get pictures and push me out of the way. Hell no do I want to be a wedding photographer.

One day while looking for a particular local event (The Big Chew) in which local eateries donate a percentage of the days take to the SPCA, I saw on the SPCA’s website a listing for the need for volunteer photographers. I contacted the volunteer services and voila … I am now part of an organization I love, doing something good for animals that I love with a hobby that I love.

There is no money involved. I will never be paid for my time or my work and you know what, I realized that the money I could be making as a serious photographer would not satisfy my soul as the work I donate to help find homes for the animals at the SPCA.

My love of animals, combined with my love of photography has given my camera a real purpose now and not just some impulsive purchase LOL. 

This image is of today’s camera charmer … Quigley. I am already looking forward to next weeks charmer.

As the years have past, I have realized that happiness has nothing to do with what you have in life, but rather who you have in life. It is the who(s) in you life that can make brighten you life or keep a big black cloud of glum hanging around. I chose bright days filled with smile and happiness. I mean really, who wants to be surrounded all day, every day with miserable people, all being miserable at the same time. Not this woman!

I love sharing time with good friends and family who fill the day with laughter and smiles. 

Yesterday being Superbowl Sunday, I went to the home of some friends and had a magnificent time. Those are the kinds of days that one remembers with smiles. The kind of days I strive to have regularly. 

I love shooting images of old buildings. I love the character those buildings have as compared to many rubber stamped buildings of today. This image is of the Richardson Olmsted building in Buffalo NY … affectionately referred to as the Old Psych Building. Yep, this was the old psychiatric hospital. The building is currently undergoing major renovations. It has a certain kind of creepy appeal to it. The interior is amazing and the ongoing work will be well worth it when it is all done.